But gift giving isn’t always easy.

And two of Eli’s birthday presents have been HUGE headaches.  Not for him mind you, but for the rest of us.

First, there’s his train table.  Santa brought Eli a train set for Christmas, and he really loves having Thomas and Percy race along the tracks, crashing with his other toys.  (The wind-up dinosaur has caused many an epic derailment.)  But for his birthday, G-pa bought Eli a table that he could put his train set on.

Perfect, right?

Well, here’s the thing.  When we assembled it, the tabletop didn’t sit right.  In fact, it was really wobbly.  The assembly directions were incredibly simple, and though I am no master craftsman, I have assembled my share of furniture over the years.  Still, my first assumption is always that I screwed up, but after taking the thing apart a few times and putting it back together, I determined that it was not user error.  The middle support piece was simply too high up, and that prevented the tabletop from laying flush.

So I called the company and complained.  They sent me some replacement pieces.

I had the same problem.

I called the company again.  They sent me the other replacement pieces.

I had the same problem again.

I called the company yet again.  This time the woman told me that they would assemble the unit themselves in the factory, make sure it didn’t have any problems, and then send it to me.  I was a bit more confident this time.  But wouldn’t you know it – I had the same damn problem.

So I called the company once again, convinced that the friendly woman I had been speaking with must think me either a conman or severely mentally challenged.  She had no idea what was causing this recurring problem, so she checked with the warehouse.

And do you know what the problem was?  After all of that back and forth?

You have to REALLY jam that middle support piece ALL THE WAY DOWN.

That’s it.

As stupid as I sound now, believe me, I felt much stupider as the customer service woman explained this to me on the phone, and I tried it, and it worked.

On the plus side, now Eli has two extra train tables as backups!

But you know what he doesn’t have?  His own kitchen.

Eli’s Grandma wanted to get him a kitchen play set for his birthday, but by the time she ordered it, the thing was on back-order.  No worries though, he’d get it soon enough, and it’s not like he didn’t get a million other presents (from his Grandma AND everyone else) to tide him over.  And when word came that the kitchen was arriving last Friday, we were all very excited.

Only problem?  It never showed.

My mom called FedEx – apparently our package had been delivered… to Staten Island.  And it was a two pound box.

It was quickly deduced that my mom had been given the wrong tracking number.  She called the website she bought the kitchen from to investigate.

Well it turns out that not only had Eli’s kitchen never been shipped – the order was never even put through!

Why?  Since the product was on back-order, they sent my mom an email informing her of that fact.  In that email, they MEANT TO ASK for confirmation that she still wanted the item.

But they did not ask that question in the email.  So my mom rightfully felt that she had  no need to reply.

Now, weeks later, she was informed that because she didn’t respond to this unasked question, the order was never placed, and she would have to wait another two months for the kitchen.

I don’t know what the woman who runs this site is smoking, but I am sure that she is smoking a lot of it.  Because despite the fact that she had no intention of shipping the kitchen out, she did not hesitate to charge my mother’s credit card.  And though she insisted that she was concerned that it was a Christmas gift that wouldn’t arrive in time, when my mom ordered the kitchen, she also requested a card that read, “Happy Birthday Eli!”

Ugh.

Needless to say, the order was canceled, her credit card was refunded, and no further gifts will ever be purchased from this site ever again.

But what of Eli’s terrible, toy kitchen-less existence?  Fear not, because Uncle Justin is helping find Grandma the same kitchen, only from a reputable seller.

He may just get it in time for his 12th birthday.

(Which means I’ll have it properly assembled just before he turns 23.)

Today, Eli turns two.  And I really can’t get over it.

Judging from the picture above, neither can he.  (That’s him sitting on his first present, a new chair, while opening another present, an Elmo book he can read in said chair.)

A year ago, I marveled at all of Eli’s changes on his first birthday.  He changed so much in that first year, but then he went and did it again this past year.

Eli, you are the most amazing and wonderful person I’ve ever met, and you constantly blow me away with all you do.  You’re smart, sweet, cuter than anything, and really really funny!  Part of me wants you to stay just like this forever, while another part of me can’t wait to see what kind of a person you’ll grow into.  Of course, I don’t really have a say in the matter – time marches on.  But every single day with you is a blessing, and I love you more than you know.

Happy Birthday, Eli!

Happy New Year, loyal readers!  I haven’t written anything all year (ba dum bum), so I’ve got a handful of random thoughts to share with y’all from the past week plus.  Here goes:

So Eli is really into Thomas the Tank Engine, and I don’t get it.  The train cars themselves are sentient and conscious, but they still have drivers?  Who controls who?  What’s the point of having living train cars if they still need drivers?  Sir Topham Hatt needs to run a tighter operation over there on the Isle of Sodor.

Also, it occurs to me that one day Eli will hear a George Carlin routine and not understand why the narrator from his Thomas movies is using such dirty language.

And speaking of things that are pretty bizarre, we had on Back to the Future the other night, and I remembered something that always bugged me about the movie; even after George knocks out Biff, there’s ANOTHER bully that grabs Lorraine on the dance floor, that redhead kid with the creepy laugh (pictured above). Just mere moments after Biff was pawing Lorraine crazy in the parking lot, this other guy is forcing her to “dance” with him. I mean, Christ, how many rapists were in the Hill Valley High Class of ‘55?

We took a road trip to Sesame Place, and in spite of the cold, Eli had an amazing time. Between the rides, the slides, the characters, the bouncy play areas, and the shows, there was basically everything an Elmo-aficionado such as himself could have wanted. There was just one thing that struck me as odd – in the live Elmo’s World, the holiday of Hanukkah was explained by… Santa. I mean, he did a good job of setting the story, but it just seemed like a strange choice to have the patron saint of Christmas tell the tale of the Maccabees.

I finally got in a little bit of time with The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword. I love it, though I know it’s going to be a very long time before I actually beat the damn thing.

We finally saw Cars 2, and I have to agree with the general consensus that it just wasn’t up to par with the normal Pixar level of excellence. It wasn’t bad or anything, I laughed multiple times, and it is pretty cool that they went in a completely different direction for the sequel. But Mater is a pretty one-note character (he’s dumb – get it?!), and the big mystery of who was behind the evil plot was pretty obvious to anyone who ever saw a single Bond movie. But my biggest complaint was that there was no real “heart,” which is what the Pixar movies are known for. Oh well – it was still entertaining, and I’m sure Eli will love it eventually.

We spent New Year’s Eve with some really adorable kids that talked like adults. I love that. Here are some things that the various kids (ages 5-9, give or take) said to me throughout the evening:
“I don’t know why, but anything that goes fast, like cars, trains, trucks, planes, rockets, I just love ‘em!”
“So, tell me about yourself. Do you have any cousins?”
“Have you ever seen the movie Star Wars?”
“How old is your mom?” (I answer) “Is she well?”

The more I listen to The Muppets soundtrack, the more I love it.

I am blown away by how quickly Eli has picked up on how to use our iPod touch (and Mommy’s new iPad) – he can turn it on, unlock it, pick the game he wants to play, and do it, only occasionally needing help from one if us. It’s a fairly intuitive interface, but still, watching him swipe pictures to get to the next one is pretty fun to watch. But that’s nothing, because he actually CHANGED THE BACKGROUND PICTURE of himself on the iPod. Yeah, really. We had an old picture on there, and Courtney said a while back she was going to update it. I turned it on, and noticed that there was a newer shot on there, and I complimented her on her choice. But she told me she didn’t do it, and she thought I did. Apparently, Eli took matters into his own hands, and picked one of his own personal favorites. Which, incidentally, is a solo shot of him, replacing a picture of him with Sherlock. Hey, he knows he’s a star, and he doesn’t feel like sharing the spotlight!

Hope everyone has a great 2012!

(Sadly, we were not the full ACES, as Sherlock got the consolation prize of a fun-filled weekend at the local pet hotel.  Yes, I know that’s a pretty lame euphemism, but I’m sticking with it, OK?)

We’ve all been missing Aunt Georgia since she moved down south in March, and we swore we’d get down for a visit this summer.   Well, we finally made good on our word, and we had a great time!  Some quick highlights:

• Fresh biscuits + warm apple butter = heaven
• The Georgia Aquarium is seriously amazing.  They have every kind of sea life, many of which swim around in giant tanks you can walk right up to, or in one awesome case, actually walk through.
• Aunt Georgia’s new home is amazing – the place looks like a gorgeous hotel, the people are friendly, and her apartment is spacious and modern.  Great find!
• Sometimes a big dog can be terrified of a toddler at first, only to then want to constantly and repeatedly sniff, lick, and slobber the child at all times.
• Southerners take the whole hospitality thing very seriously, and for that, we are extremely grateful.
• Of the three of us, Eli is by far the most patient when dealing with excessive flight delays.

Aunt Georgia, it was great seeing you, and we miss you already.  Ellen and Rod, thanks for letting us invade your place and taking such great care of us.  And you’re all welcome to come and visit us anytime!

Its funny how quickly you can get used to one routine, and then be shell-shocked by returning to an old routine, even if that was your normal life. Of course, it doesn’t make things any easier when you have to say goodbye to an adorable little baby who wants nothing more than to be close to you.

But I really can’t complain – I got a great break with my son, and we had a lot of fun playing, seeing family and friends, and especially our weekly visits with Aunt GG. In our time together, Eli got a lot chubbier (maybe I fed him too much), much better at getting around, he got some new teeth, and he developed a bit of separation anxiety, likely as a result of being spoiled by so much Daddy time. He was *not* happy about being left at daycare yesterday, which didn’t do much good for my mental state! But I called a little while later, and apparently Eli only cried for a few minutes when I left before quickly getting over it. That’s good news, even if it was a little tougher for me!

But again, I knew I had to get back to reality sooner or later, and I’ll forever be grateful for the time I get to forget about everything but hanging out with my special little guy.

Wow, time sure does fly.  Was it really a whole year ago that my son was born?  Everyone tells you that it will, but it’s a whole other thing to actually experience it.  I put together a video of Eli’s life so far (watch it on his FB page!), and it is absolutely mind-blowing to see how much he has changed.  He had so much black hair, then he was practically bald, now he’s got lots of brown hair.  He was super skinny, then he filled out nicely, now he’s got chubby cheeks!  He couldn’t hold his head up, then he could sit up, now he can pull himself up and take litle steps if he’s holding on to something.  It’s all so overwhelming, and it’s hard to put one year so full of profound moments into words.  I can say that all of the clichés are true: the time does fly, every day is something new, you feel a whole new kind of love, that being a parent changes your perspective on everything – all totally true. So what else can I say?

I don’t know what on Earth I did to deserve such an amazing little boy, but every time I look at him I feel like the luckiest guy in the world,

Happy Birthday, Eli!

We also journeyed out to the original Dinosaur BBQ in Syracuse, which was totally worth it despite the fact that we waited for a table for over an hour and they ran out of brisket.

And we went to a local fall festival in a nearby town, complete with hay ride, farm animals, a not-too-scary haunted house, and a pumpkin patch.

If you haven’t checked out the pictures on your favorite social networking site, I urge you to do so at your earliest convenience… you’ll be glad you did!

The question: Which parent does Eli more closely resemble?

To judge this noodle-scratcher in a fair and equitable manner, I will present side-by-side pictures of Eli (who will always be on the left) and baby pictures of myself and Courtney (on the right). Then it is up to you, the blog visitor, to submit your vote in the comments.

Everybody clear? Great. Let’s get started.

Eli and Baby Courtney:

Eli and Baby Alan:

What do you think?  Is Eli a mirror of Mommy?  Or a dead ringer for Daddy?  Remember, every vote counts, and the polling is officially open!

The Noah family has returned from California.  It was a fun, if not terribly relaxing, trip.  Eli got some quality time in with G-ma and G-pa, he got to meet some friends, and he got to see the Pacific Ocean in person, as evidenced by the above adorable picture.  It would have been nicer if it was a little warmer (temperature s in the 60’s and 70’s in LA in August?  WTF?), but hey, at least it wasn’t 400% humidity.  And as a capper to the trip, Court and I got to go to a beautiful wedding in a SoCal winery that really looked like something out of a movie.

As for the plane rides – Eli was fine.  Not much sleeping on the flights, but not much screaming or crying either.  Before we left, I read this article on flying with babies that suggested you bring goody bags for the passengers around you.  I thought then and think now that is preposterous.  Why should I have to buy off other people because I’m traveling with my kid?  Hey, the guy in the seat next to me on our flight home who kept falling asleep on me didn’t give me a goody bag for my inconvenience.

All in all, it was a great trip, and it is great to know that we can keep on traveling as a family.*

*Sherlock did not fly cross country with us – he spent the weekend with his Grandma and Aunt Georgia, and he told me he had a wonderful time with them, so it all works out.

So far, in his less than 7 months outside of the womb, Eli has been in cars, trains, and a ferry.  Tomorrow he will add an airplane to that list of forms of transportation he has been in.  All that will remain is a spaceship, which I imagine he will use to get to his spring break  in 2030.  But that’s neither here nor there.  The scary thing is seeing how Eli will do on his first and second transcontinental flights.

I’m optimistic, for several reasons:

1. Eli is a generally happy baby.
2. Eli managed to get through an entire Mets game and fireworks show without a major incident.
3. Both flights are early in the morning, when Eli is typically asleep or awake and smiley.

Still, I can’t help but imagining any of several nightmare scenarios.  What if he won’t stop crying? What if he won’t stop pooping?  What if he screams in this lady’s ear?  (Seriously, read that story, it is all kinds of kooky.)

More likely is that Eli will get an awful lot of dirty looks when people realize he is on their flight.  Personally, I have been more annoyed by adults than I have ever been by small children in my years of flying, but I am still not blind to the fact that people dread being on a long flight with a screaming baby.  It will be weird for me to have someone give Eli a stink eye; up to now there have been only 2 reactions to a stranger seeing the little guy: pure delight or complete indifference.  (MUCH more common is the former.)  His sheer existence has never caused anyone dread, and I realize that may change in the JetBlue terminal tomorrow.  But I figure if anyone frowns or glares at my son, Eli will just flash them his beautiful smile and win them over.

Wish us luck!