There are many important issues facing this country of ours right now: the economy, the war on terror, and health care spring to mind. But those issues can’t be easily resolved by the government because they are constantly hampered by partisan bickering. Should all Americans have access to affordable health care? Should our military be as strong as it can be? Should measures be taken to rebound our nation from this crippling recession? Maybe, maybe not.

But fear not, America! There are some critical issues facing this country that our leaders are going to tackle head on. Concerns so grave – unlike the trivial matters mentioned above – that Republicans and Democrats are willing to put aside their differences to make this great nation better for its people.

And we all know that the number one issue facing the U.S. of A today is – our TV commercials are too loud.

Well, no more! Congress just passed a new law that requires all commercials to be broadcast at the same volume as the TV shows they air with!  This vital-to-our-homeland legislation even has a cool, history book ready name with an anagram – it’s the CALM Act, short for Commercial Advertisement Loudness Mitigation.  (Really!)

Finally! Our country’s nightmares are over!  Never again will those Americans who still actually watch television commercials, will no longer have to lift their remotes at act breaks (industry lingo for when a show goes to commercial) to lower the volume, and then raise said volume when the programming resumes.  Thank heavens!

The United States governemnt.  Getting.  It.  DONE.