I know I’m not the first person to complain about car salesmen. And maybe they get unfairly picked on. But whatever, here goes anyway:

• Why do car salesmen insist on talking up the car’s color?  I always tell them that the color doesn’t matter – the make/model/miles etc are the important things.  Still, they just love to remind me that if I went for a new car instead of a used one, I could get any color of the rainbow!  Do they only say that because I’m there with a woman?
• And speaking of their rampant sexism, one guy took one look at Courtney and said, “So you’re a school teacher?”  Um, huh?  Guess what, fella – women nowadays can do jobs besides teaching!  I know, it’s a crazy world outside the dealership, huh?
• What’s up with all of the small talk about their wives and kids?  Do they think that if they tell you about their families they won’t come across as sleazy?  Sorry, we all know that scummy guys can have families, too.
• You know that writing down a bunch of numbers on a piece of paper that I can take home with me will do me absolutely no good, since it’s always just a jumble of out of context figures.  So skip acting like you’re doing me a huge favor.
• Memo to people who sell cars for a living: Take off all jewelry besides your wedding band.  Your rapping dreams didn’t pan out, and showing off all of the wealth you make off of poor suckers like me isn’t winning you any brownie points.
• It is extraordinarily obvious that all of the awards and plaques you have hanging up everywhere are meaningless, so don’t expect anyone to be impressed.  The world’s worst dealership still has some junk they proudly hang on the walls.
• Go easy on the follow-up calls.  I know how to reach you – if I’m not calling you, take that as a sign that maybe your hard sell approach wasn’t worked this time.
• If you want to keep calling me by my name to establish a personal connection, fine.  Just make sure you get my name right.