Exhibit A:

Notice the pocket on Eli’s left leg.

Exhibit B:

There are two pockets clearly visible, but trust me, there are more.

Exhibit C:

There is not one, but THREE pockets in Eli’s overalls.

And do you know what’s in these pockets?

NOTHING.

You know why there’s nothing in Eli’s pockets?

BECAUSE HE’S A BABY.

What kinds of things do you keep in your pockets?  Cell phone.  Wallet.  Keys.  Eli has none of those things.  Neither do most of his contemporaries.

So why on Earth do clothes designed for such young babies come with multiple pockets???

Of course, I ask this question rhetorically.  I know full damn well why baby clothes come with pockets.  It’s the same reason that baby clothes come with buttons and buckles that don’t work, and why they make shoes for kids far too young to walk.

Because they’re “adorable.”

The cute designs are one thing, those I get.  True, Eli doesn’t know who Batman is, but that Exhibit B outfit sure is awesome.  The design is practical in the sense that I, as his parent, like it.

But pockets so small they couldn’t hold a pacifier?  Or faux flies that don’t open for kids in diapers?  Come on.  I just picture someone in a sweatshop stitching together all of these things and wondering what the hell someone so tiny can possibly do with them.

Eh, I talk big, but I’m clearly not helping matters, as I keep on dressing Eli in these clothes, full of extra accessories that he cannot possibly utilize.

But what the hell.

They are pretty adorable.