ESPN is reporting that Aaron Heilman is demanding (demanding?) to be either moved from the bullpen to a starter position or be traded.

As shocking as that demand is in and of itself, the story then takes an even worse turn: The Mets are debating what to do.

Please, allow me:

TRADE HIM!

This guy wants to start games for us? Does he understand that starters usually pitch more innings, which if your name is Aaron Heilman, just means that he will have more opportunities to give up tons and tons of runs. Why on Earth would Heilman, the Mets, or anyone want that? Well, I guess it would be good news for the opposing teams…

His agent is making the case that Heilman has had more success as a starter, and so he is justified in wanting out of the bullpen. But look at the numbers quoted in the article: as a starter from 2003 to 2005, he went 5-13 with a 5.93 ERA. Yikes. Last season, he finished 3-8 with a 5.21 ERA. As unbelievably awful as he was, and despite being an instrumental force in the Mets second consecutive choke (and the first, too, but that’s neither here nor there), his ERA still went down from his starter numbers. Yet he wants to leave the bullpen???

Why is this a debate? Trade him already! We need another starter or two, but it ain’t Heilman. I know it won’t happen, but I’d love for them to get Sabathia. Can you imagine if our Numbers 1 and 2 starters were him and Santana? There would be no way the Mets could blow it then!*

*Of course, the Mets have proven that they can ALWAYS blow it. And even if they do make the smart call and trade Heilman to another team, with our luck he’ll probably end up turning things around and becoming the greatest starting pitcher in history.