Entenmann’s makes a lot of quality products, of this there is no denying. However, the crown jewel in their lineup are the delicious creations known as Popems. Popems, for those of you unfortunate enough to have never encountered these little bite-sized pieces of heaven, they combine everything you could ever want in a snack: chocolate donut holes that are frosted and covered with festive and edible sprinkles that vary depending on the season. For the Fourth of July, Popems are made with red, white, and blue sprinkles, Valentine’s Day has Popems with pink and red jimmies, St. Patrick’s Day gets ones with green sprinkles, and so on.

These delicious morsels are not to be confused with the non-special-occasion-based Pop’ems or Pop’ettes. Those donut holes are just plain donut holes, usually without the glazing and always without the sprinkles. Even the “chocolate” Pop’ems aren’t actually chocolate - they are just plain donuts covered in a chocolate frosting layer.  Good, sure, but they are not through and through chocolate like the ones covered in glazing and sprinkles for Popems.   To further differentiate Pop’ems form their far superior cousins, these varieties are given apostrophes in their names, suggesting that they are named Pop’ems because you pop them into your mouth.  Note the difference:

Though the Popems (without the apostrophe) are consumed in the same way, the lack of an apostrophe implies that this specific brand is pronounced “Pope-umms,” rhyming with “fe-fi-F0-FUM.” Why this distinction was made by the good people at the Entenmann’s company is far beyond my comprehension, but I also don’t understand why they would even bother making, boxing, and selling Popems without the glazing and sprinkles in the first place.

Nor can I possibly understand why Popems are hard to find except around holidays.  Does Entenmann’s take some perverse pleasure in keeping their most amazing product off the shelves for months at a time?  Or is it your standard business move, where they have to keep the Popems off the shelves, replaced by the sprinkle-less Pop’ems, in order to drive up demand for the unbelievably delicious non-apostrophed variety?  If so, I think they should be brought up on charges over scrupulous business ethics.  I want, nay, I DEMAND my Popems be available 24 hours a day and 365 days a year.  Is that too much to ask for?