… because the main reason you need one is because so many other people have them.

I used to be a guy who carried around one of those little pocket umbrellas whenever rain was in the forecast. I mean, who wants to walk around with a big bulky umbrella, right? But those tiny little mini-umbrellas tend to have pretty short lives, and I think it’s because they are constantly getting knocked in to by giant size umbrellas that are just plain tougher than their pocket-sized counterparts. The nylon they’re made out of is apparently stronger, and the things that stretch out to give them their shape (whatever the hell they’re called) are just more durable, and when some jerk on the street with a big umbrella bumps into someone with a cheap drug store (or worse yet, street vendor) umbrella, it’s only a matter of time before it breaks.

So I caved. I got myself a full-sized, double canopy beauty by way of my grandmother-in-law (Thanks, Ruth!) and after a few days of torrential New York City rain, I have to say that I’m a convert. People don’t mess with you when you’re walking around with one of these suckers. This umbrella eats baby umbrellas for breakfast. For lunch it snacks on strong wind gusts, and for dinner it goes back to eating baby umbrellas.

But deep down I know I wouldn’t need my new extra large umbrella if everyone else carried the little pocket ones like I used to. Then there would be no problem, because we’d all avoid each other, knowing that when two flimsy umbrellas knock into each other, it spells disaster for both. Instead, people (like me) with the big mamma-jammas walk around with impunity, knowing that in the event of a collision with a smaller umbrella, ours will likely suffer little more than a scratch, while the smaller one will be demolished.

Get it?
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