Courtesy of The New York Post:

A 75th-birthday bash for wrestling icon Capt. Lou Albano turned into a real-life “Wrestlemania” event when “The Sandman” allegedly got drunk and went berserk - and “The Zombie” and “Pitbull” struggled to restrain him as a SWAT team was called in.

“It was unbelievable - I’ve never seen anything like it,” one stunned party guest told The Post yesterday, after wrestler Jim “The Sandman” Fullington found himself at the center of a bottle-hurling, glass-smashing melee with the owner of La Lanterna restaurant in Yonkers.

“If you didn’t know better, you’d think the whole thing had been staged.”

The rest of the article is full of even more hysterical shenanigans, but I guess it’s not that surprising that when you get a party together with a ton of alcohol and a bunch of muscle-bound dudes who used to get paid to fight for a living and whose brains are riddled from years of steroid abuse (probably.)

But what IS shocking is the fact that Capt. Lou Albano is 75.  Seriously?  Let’s do a little math here - he was born in 1933, and “The Super Mario Bros. Super Show!” premiered in 1989, which means that the actor who played Super Mario was 56 years old?  Maybe that’s why “The Mario” dance consisted solely of swinging your arms from side to side, taking one step, and then another.  It could also explain why Mario always stammered at the very end of the dance, right around the 40 second mark:

Seriously, as a kid I always thought it was weird that Mario couldn’t even do his own dance right.  But now I know why - he was practically a senior citizen!