Verne Troyer? Mini-Me? Ick ick icky.

And by the way, this isn’t anything against little people. I believe our shorter brothers and sisters are fully deserving of happy and healthy sex lives. But if I was to make a list of every celebrity in the world I’d like to see in a sex tape, I think Mini-Me would rank somewhere around Phyllis Diller.

Paris Hilton, despite her many character flaws, is at least hot.

Dustin Diamond, a close personal friend of mine, despite being not the sexiest member of Saved by the Bell (or even Saved by the Bell: The New Class), at least had a sex tape that was funny enough to make you want to check it out.

There was even some morbid curiosity that led people to want to check out the Gene Simmons and Jimi Hendrix videos.

But this is just too much. I mean, who on earth is going to want to watch this? And I’m talking about watching a short clip of it online, not going out and buying the damn thing. And assuming that the people will buy the rights to this thing to sell it on DVD, you’d think they’d leak the best clip possible. But no, the TMZ video is, though not at all explicit, unbelievably disturbing.

But since you’re probably curious, here’s the link to the video.