Bill Murray, the funniest man alive, is reportedly not a very good husband.

When I first read the headline that Bill Murray was getting a divorce, my first reaction was pity, as in, “Aw, the poor guy! If he needs someone to have a beer with during these trying times, I would gladly offer him that guy time.”

Then I read the allegations made by his wife, and my sadness quickly turned to anger. Jennifer Butler Murray claimed that she was seeking the divorce because of Bill’s “adultery, addiction to marijuana and alcohol, abusive behavior, physical abuse, sexual addictions and frequent abandonment.” (Read the whole thing here, if that’s the kind of person you are.)  It was only natural that I be full of rage at reading this. How dare this woman make such outrageous claims about my hero Bill Murray? Those things she said! They couldn’t possibly be true - they don’t sound at all like the man I know. And I’ve seen, like, every movie he’s ever been in, so I think I know him better than some lady that I never heard of, even if she’s been married to him for over a decade.

Then I thought about how ridiculous that statement is, and I began to feel uneasy. Could these things be true? Is it possible that Peter Venkman is a whoring drunk in real life? I can picture ole Bill enjoying the occasional drink or marijuana cigarette, but really? An addict? And a philanderer? I mean, sure he could have any woman on the planet, but except for that one time in Lost in Translation, he’s been mostly faithful! And abusive? Does she mean abusive with his wit? No, it turns out that she means it as in he is physically and emotionally abusive.

Yikes.

Then I started thinking, “Wow, here’s a guy I idolize, yet I really know very little about his personal life.”  I mean, I guess I don’t know all about Weird Al or George Lucas’ home lives either, but still.  Should I have gotten to know Bill a little better?  Could I have helped him turn things around, you know, before they got so bad?  Maybe, just maybe, if I was a bigger fan, Bill wouldn’t have turned into an alcoholic abusive jerk.

Then it occurred to me that maybe Bill’s not really such a bad guy.  Maybe it’s all a big misunderstanding .  Or a vast conspiracy to smear his name.  Or perhaps this is all just research for an upcoming movie role, and he’s taking his research really far.

That or, maybe he’s just a hysterically funny guy who has some serious problems and treated his wife like crap.

Finally, it occurred to me that I shouldn’t let the divorce of two people I’ve never met get me down so much.  It’s a shame, above all else, because they have four children together.  I truly hope that for their sake, Bill and Jennifer are able to keep the rest of their drama out of the limelight.

And I’ll keep seeing Bill Murray’s movies, but now I’m not so sure I want to have a beer with the guy…